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Exactly 2 more years, and we'll say goodbye. | | |
| AND I... AM.. A HAPPY DAPPY WAPPY APPY HAPPY KID TODAY AYE! 
It looks real weird written out, but it's actually a song. A song that's been stuck in my head for the whole day. And I wrote it all by mah-self! < Lame.
Okay but yeah, I'm really too happy for words right now. But I just felt this need to blog about this so that everyone doesn't think I'm an emo loser, all the time.
I'm really happy, over such a small thing (kinda loser-ish, kinda thing). But it's okay, because what's most important is.. I'm happy.
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| Gettin' dusty 'ere. I sound like a kid from Jersey Shore. *shudders*
So, since my last post, I've had many close breakdown-moments and many imma-kill-yo-face-moments too. After I typed that line, I realise how unstable I was. I almost sound psychotic. Uh-oh..
Okay yeah, well, at least I'm still alive and kicking. And so is everyone else. Week 5's here. The first batch of assignments is done. Second batch is rolling in. I think I have homework right now, I just don't know what they are and even if I do know them, I'm too lazy to get started. Say goodbye to my 3.0 gpa. At this rate, I won't even get to enter a community college in the states.
Spent my weekend watching Glee, The Vampire Diaries and completing the 2nd season of 16 & Pregnant. (Seriously shows you how lazy I can get) That last one, just makes me wish I had my own kid to stare at the whole day :/ Now, I'm drowning myself in Owl City. I sound a) Pathetic and b) Depressed. Yeah, I guess those 2 really sum up how I am right now.
Sometimes I think, the only things keeping me going in school are my CCAs and my absolutely tiny group of friends in MCM. Being in class, makes me want to slit my wrist. (No, not literally. Jeez, I'm not THAT emo. 'sides, dying in class isn't exactly desirable yknow. I'd rather die, like, in a meadow with pretty flowers and all. Okay now get back..) Yeah, but that really sums up how I feel in class.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't want this post to make you guys think I'm gonna end my life soon or what. I just need to express.. How unhappy I am, with life, being in my class, all that. And really, don't go off and call a counsellor now. Seriously, do not. I think this is what they call, teen-life-crisis. Hah. Okay till the next time, chao amigos.
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| Year 2 sucks.
Then again, what's new?
Thing is, I can make things better. To not keep mum about all these things in my head. To stand up for myself and for others because others just don't treat us right. But by doing so, I'd lose friends.. Definitely. Make enemies? Most probably. Yknow how these mass comm kids are. So melodramatic. Will-hate-you-if-you-say-something-bad-about-me-or-disagree-with-me types.
But then again, why do I even call these people my friends if they're all that? I don't know. I enjoy their company, but at times, I just have this gtfouttamahface moments because of so many things they do.
But I only have myself to blame, really. I started this. Wanted a media-related course right? Nah, ambik kau - the work, the kids, the drama. Deal with it. So I will, with whatever little patience I have left in me. With only 1 year and 9 months left, I can do this. *bites lip, fingers crossed*
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| I'm just not satisfied with anything.
Nothing, nada, zilch.
I'm losing everything.
The passion, the drive, the determination, the patience.
I've let so many incredible opportunities pass me by. I will never be anyone important now.
The fact that I still have to wait for 2 more years before everything ends eats me up inside.
Because I could do it, right now. Go there, spend and enjoy life as a teen, the way we're suppose to do it.. And be happy. But no, I have to stay for 2 more years.
The fact that I don't have a special person to rant to, to cry on, to just hold on to kills me.
Because recently, especially, I just feel.. Extremely lonely.
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